Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
