either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
