i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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