can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
