Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
