after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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