Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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