So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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