Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
