This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
