allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
