PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
