My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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