I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
