i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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