YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
