a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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