on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
