Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
