I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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