Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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