There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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