Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
