so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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