he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
