i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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