Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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