when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
