508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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