he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
