Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize