if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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