He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize