Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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