I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
