All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
