So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize