Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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