Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
