It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
