how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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