he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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