watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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