She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
