youre lurking in front of me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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