I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
