dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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