I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
