what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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