You smell like a Billy Joel song
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
