Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
