Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
