I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
