Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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