I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
