So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We just shotgunned beers for America
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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