Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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