I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I can text with my tongue
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
