I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
