Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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