I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
