tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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