he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
