Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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