Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize