My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
