just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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