I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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