the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
