she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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