I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
