and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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